13) FOR * ALL * RESCUE DOGS: Honest Self Assessments Prior to Adoption - Part 3 of 9: Assessing Your Family Circumstances.
- alexpatchworkpaws
- Sep 4, 2023
- 13 min read
Updated: Aug 24, 2024
🐕 Please note: this blog, part 3, assumes that you have already read parts 1 & 2. 🐕 If you haven’t already done so, we would recommend that you read parts 1 & 2 first. 🐕 This series is tailored towards UK, Romanian & overseas originating rescue dogs. 🐕
In part 1 of this new series, "Honest Self Assessments Prior to Adoption", we explored some possible reasons for a dog being surrendered back to rescue & how we can better understand our new dog by considering & discussing these reasons.
In part 2, we focused upon helping you to assess your own personal circumstances, to include such things as finances, demands on time, & your future plans.
In part 3, this part, we're going to pick up from where we left off & help you to assess whether your family circumstances are best placed to adopt a rescue dog.
Before we start, let's just remind ourselves of four very important elements here:
🐶 YOU will most likely need to adjust to the dog & for as long as it takes, making allowances for them along the way.
🐶 YOU should regularly re-familiarise yourself with the 3, 3, 3 rule (even after adoption) & bear it in mind at all times.
🐶 YOU should lower your expectations or, better still, have no expectations of your new dog at all.
🐶 YOU must remember that, in the case of Romanian & overseas rescue dogs, they are a "breed" in themselves. Their unique past life & experiences, where they've literally had to adapt to survive & endure so much, sets them apart from their UK counterparts.
As we have discussed before, these special rescue dogs will most likely require a degree of adjustment from us, too. This might be in the form of temporary adjustments, to include lifestyle adjustments, or the adjustments required might be over a longer term. We must be willing to adjust, as we would for any other family member. For instance, reasonable adjustments must be made for a new baby. Like a baby, everything will seem new, scary &/or exciting to a rescue dog, particularly if they've never lived in a home before. We do need to make allowances for this.
Just to recap, the 3, 3, 3 rule describes how long your new dog might require to acclimatise, decompress, unpack their baggage, & settle in - all in THEIR own time & at THEIR own pace & in stages, typically, over the course of 3 months. However, the timescale can vary & you should allow the individual dog all the time THEY need; even if it takes several months or more. Remember where they've come from & what they have potentially experienced. Always cut them some slack & remain patient, kind, & understanding.
We have discussed all of these elements at some length in part 2, so we won't repeat it here too much. (Again, our blog articles assume that you have read our previous blogs).
So, let's move on now to look at your family circumstances & see if they would be conducive for a new dog...
Please have a pen & paper ready...
🐕 Children Living at Home 🐕
How many children are living at home or who regularly visit &/or stay in the home (in the case of shared custody, for instance)?
How old are the children? (Please note: most rescues will require your children to be of a certain age before they will approve your application. This can vary by rescue & also by the needs of the individual dog).
Are any of the children home schooled?
Do any of the children require special care due to disability, etc? Also, do they need to use walking sticks, a wheelchair or other mobility aids to get around? Is the child's health likely to deteriorate significantly within the next few to several years?
Are you willing to do slow & careful introductions between the new dog & any children on the property?
Are you willing & able to segregate your new dog away from any children on the property - if needed?
(Please note: when we mention 'segregate,' we mean separate. Popping a new dog into a separate quiet room or space & segregating them with either a door or child/pet gate in between is the best strategy. We will talk more about this in future blogs, where we will discuss your home & garden environments.)
🐕 Adults Living Within the Home (Who Won't be Involved as a Primary Carer of the Dog) 🐕
Are there any other adults living at your home? If so, how many?
Do you care give for any other adults living in the home? If so, how is their general health & do they have any disabilities? Also, do they need to use walking sticks, a wheelchair or other mobility aids to get around? Is this person's health likely to deteriorate significantly within the next few to several years?
Do you have a lodger? If so, is the lodger long term or are you likely to have different lodgers coming & going over the years?
Are you willing to do slow & careful introductions between the new dog & other adults living on the property?
Are you willing & able to segregate your new dog away from other adults on the property - if needed?
🐕 Family Commitments 🐕
Are any of your children a member of a regular club or event? Over the course of an average year, how much time is spent observing them in this capacity (particularly away from home) & does it require any overnight stays?
Over the course of an average year, how many family holidays will you be taking? You should also consider any trips, days out or any amount of social time away from the home?
What would happen to the dog during such holidays & trips?
🐕 Other Family Pets & Animals 🐕
Are there, or has there ever been, any other dogs in the house - whilst your current children have lived there?
Are there, or has there ever been, any other cats or other pets in the house - whilst your current children have lived there?
Are there, or has there ever been, any other animals living on the property - whilst your current children have lived there?
Are your children already dog savvy, particularly around rescue dogs? If you are considering a Romanian or overseas rescue dog, have your children ever been around one of these dogs? (Please remember, as previously discussed, that Romanian & overseas rescue dogs are entirely different to their UK counterparts. They are a whole different breed in themselves).
How are the children around animals? Do they need to be reminded to be gentle & to give the animal some space?
Have any of the children ever been growled at, nipped or bitten? (Think back to the context, their age at the time & everything you have read so far in these blogs.)
Are you willing to supervise the children's & dog's interactions at all times & segregate them on the occasions that you cannot do so?
Have the animals & pets in the home been around a dog before?
Are you willing to do slow & careful introductions between the new dog & other dogs, pets & animals living on the property?
In the case of small furries such as guinea pigs, rabbits & hamsters etc., will they be kept separately at all times? Is their 'home' space in a room that can be segregated? Is their 'home' space securable with a closing/locking mechanism & at (at least) waist height & elevated off the floor with a roof? If they use the garden space, how will you ensure their segregation away from the new dog? (Please bear in mind, in the case of Romanian & overseas dogs, most of these dogs have been forced to survive & unfortunately they might view your small furry as a snack.)
Are you willing to supervise the new dog's interactions with other animals in the house at all times & segregate them on the occasions that you cannot do so?
Are you able to segregate your new dog away from any other dogs, pets, animals & children on the property - if needed? (Think about how your home is set up, where you have doors & child/pet gates currently & where you could potentially place more gates.)
🐕 Visiting Children, Family & Guests 🐕
Do you run a business from home? Does it require regular business guests in the home? Are your business guests predominantly adults, children, dogs, or other animals?
Do you have regular visiting children &/or adult guests in the home for leisure? (Please specify which or both.)
Do you regularly host family get-togethers, clubs, events &/or parties at your home?
Are there any visiting dogs or pets that come into the home for leisure?
Are you willing to do slow & careful introductions between the new dog & any guests who visit the property (this includes other dogs, pets, & animals)?
Are you willing & able to segregate your new dog away from any guests who visit the property (to include other dogs, pets & animals) - if needed?
🐕 Have you ever had to surrender a dog, other pet or other animal in connection with your family circumstances, care commitments, home circumstances, work circumstances, or due to financial reasons? (This question includes dogs, pets, & animals being surrendered back to rescue, being sold on, or being put to sleep.) If so, think about why you had to surrender them & reflect upon it in context of all you've read in these blogs so far. Do you think you made the right decision upon reflection? Did you follow the 3, 3, 3 rule then? Do you think you could have done anything better? Could the circumstances of surrender re-occur this time or in the future, during the life of the dog? (Remember, some dog breeds can live up to about 20 years.)
Some very important points to think about here are, if your household is busy, with lots of comings & goings & visitors, for either business &/or leisure, a dog requiring a quiet home or a dog who is shy &/or timid may not be the right dog for your family & home circumstances. In fact, some dogs might arrive & may not be too keen on such busyness, particularly if they are not used to living in a home environment. You should also consider if you're willing to make adjustments to your routines for your new dog initially, for the first three to several months or longer - however long the dog needs. When we say adjustments, we mean lifestyle & environment changes to fit the dog whilst they decompress, acclimatise & settle in. You MUST be willing & open to accept some disruption to your normal routines.
If you spend a lot of time away from the home, either individually or as a family, then maybe you will need to think about whether you can commit to a dog at all, as they will require a substantial amount of your time, energy & effort. This also applies if there is anyone in the home who requires any level of care. You will need to consider things like what will happen to the dog if their condition worsens & whether a dog could potentially affect their mobility getting around the home. For instance: a young & bouncy puppy might get under their feet & the installation of such things as pet gates could add in further obstacles.
Whilst some of these dogs might appear fine with cats, some rescues will attempt a cat test exercise, you will never really know how they are going to be until they arrive into your home environment. Please remember the 3, 3, 3 rule & give your new dog the time to decompress, acclimatise & settle in. Ensure plenty of segregation during this time, gentle & slow introductions & don't judge your new dog too quickly. Remember, how your new dog might appear in the first few days, weeks or months isn't necessarily an indication of how they'll be after several months, after settling in.
Here at Patchwork Paws H.Q, we've seen this many times. Most of these dogs are very capable of adapting & they can truly blossom in a home environment with time, love, effort, patience, understanding & kindness. You get back what you put in & Rome wasn't built in a day!
Just remember to choose your new dog wisely as well as the rescue. Choosing a good & reputable rescue with a good rescue back up (R.B.U.) & support package & choosing the right dog, will go a long way in ensuring you receive the right dog for you & your circumstances.
In the case of your new dog, if a breed or breed mix is known or suspected, then please consider their potential breed characteristics as a part of your considerations.
Please always be honest about your circumstances when you apply to adopt. This is the only way that you can be matched to the right dog, thus ensuring a higher likelihood of success.
We recently came across this on social media. We are not sure of the author but we felt it worth mentioning here...
"It breaks my heart to write this….. but I’m looking to rehome my children, ages 6 and 7.
Honestly, I didn’t do enough research about having kids before making this commitment & they just don’t fit into mine & my dog’s schedules anymore. The dogs and I are so busy. Also, the kids are starting to have behavioural issues that they never had as newborns & we’ve tried everything to work through these issues but it’s not improving & we just can’t have this much of a liability in our home anymore. They are ruining my marriage due to stress, waking me up early & tearing up my house, ruining my furniture, my walls, & everything.
Also, we’re moving house & have found a home with a lot of room for the dogs but just couldn’t find one with enough bedrooms for these kids.
It saddens me (please no judging or negative comments) and I am aware of how much emotional damage this will cause them & probably never fully recover from being abandoned but it’s just the circumstance we’re dealing with but please PM me if you're interested.
There is a re-homing fee because I want to make sure that they get a good home!
Yours sincerely,
Every dog rescue on the planet."
It's food for thought isn't it?!
Some people treat their pets as disposable but we'd never treat our children this way. But should it really be any different?! Both are lifelong commitments to a precious soul & these special rescue dogs have frankly been through enough already.
Our mindset & approach is hugely important & will determine our success with a new dog. If you're willing to give your new dog all the time in the world & are willing to work with them with a patient, understanding & kind approach, come what may, then you will likely do very well with a rescue dog. If however, you want a perfect dog from day one who will just slot into your routine & lifestyle seamlessly, then a rescue dog (particularly one directly from Romania) might not be for you.
With regards to dogs being adopted directly from Romania or overseas, in context of the current rescue crisis here in the UK, it's only fair & right to adopt a dog directly from their originating country if you're ABSOLUTELY SURE!
It cannot be stated enough but, a dog's entire future could be in jeopardy if you have to surrender them back to rescue. UK rescues are currently full, as are kennels, sadly uncomfortable decisions are often having to be made by rescues as a result. Sorry to say it, but some poor & unfortunate souls are being put to sleep. So, please be sure before you adopt a dog directly from Romania or their originating country.
Again, this is why choosing the right rescue & the right dog is so important.
If you have any doubts at all, look for a dog already in the UK who you can go & meet first - whether they be a U.K, Romanian, or overseas rescue dog.
Some dogs are in foster homes, so they will have had some training & their character & behaviour assessed in that environment. Others will be in kennels, where staff will be able to tell you about the dog's character. These dogs might prove a more suitable match for some people.
This is so SO IMPORTANT!
Next time, we're going to focus on children & how to better educate them to be around dogs & we're also going to focus on body language - which will prove useful for children & adults alike.
Then, in later blogs in this series, we will move on to explore the suitability of your home & garden environments.
So, please keep checking back...
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Some topics covered include:
🐶 fearfulness & social shyness,
🐶 prey drive,
🐶 building calmness & confidence,
🐶 techniques to rebalance & calm,
🐶 reactivity on walks,
🐶 reactivity with visitors,
🐶 the quirky nature of Romanian dogs,
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We always welcome your feedback, so please feel free to leave us a comment or email us. 🥰
📣 Please remember to always choose no harm, fear free, force free & non-aversive training methods based on mutual respect, trust & positive reinforcement. Please always consider that a behaviour that YOU might find undesirable might be quite normal behaviour to your dog, the behaviour might be motivated by a past trauma/fear, or it might be motivated by your dog's emotional response to something. Always treat your dog with love, patience, empathy, understanding & kindness - even if they do have toileting accidents or if they chew your favourite slippers. 📣🙏
📍 The dog behaviour & training world is largely unregulated here in the U.K. & not all are equal. Please do your homework & always choose a behaviourist or trainer carefully. Look at the methods of training they use & the stance they choose to adopt. Always check their qualifications, accreditations & references/feedback carefully. 📍
🐶 Pictured is gorgeous Rossi. 🥰 She was found sitting inside a cardboard box, abandoned, with two other female dogs & their puppies, in Romania. The rescue were looking for a specific dog that needed help. They made a wrong turn which ended up becoming a right turn! 🙏 Rossi & her family were very fortunate to be found!
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